Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
