return my video game
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
