I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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