hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
