so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
