How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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