fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
