The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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