he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
