he was CRYING into my vagina
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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