dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
