I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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