Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
