Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she peed on how many people?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
