i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
