I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
