meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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