two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
