I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
