Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
