Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
