He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
