i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
