im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Houston, we have a squirter
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
