remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
