i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
