I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
They have beer where we have blood.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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