if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
