So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
