I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
