i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
