Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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