I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
