it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
