It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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