Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
