My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
