$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
one might say we're banned from that church
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
