a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I met the friendliest cop last night
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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