im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
