I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
