i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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