Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
