i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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