For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
