It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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