Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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