hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
