would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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