Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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