how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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