the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
