you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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